poor little rich boy, all the world is okay

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 02:53:45 GMT

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 00:05:55 GMT

CONGRATULATIONS

YOU'RE GAY

also happy birthday

keep it classy

username meme from rae

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 10:02:31 GMT

moot - well, actually, i had a really long line of usernames before this one. my first livejournal was 'sickcitykid' which i think was inspired by some shit on xanga from about 2003, and then i switched to 'introducingiero' for like a month because i liked the alliteration. after that i made a new account called artschoolrecess, which was inspired by a similar username on the purged list. after artschoolrecess was failget, and after failget was canveyisle, and after canveyisle was moot.

paradisefalls - my misc fanworks community (previously also housed fanfiction). it was named after the area of the same name in fallout 3.

fellowcitizens - my current fanfiction-only community. named after the song off the ergo proxy soundtrack, 'cause it's one of my favorites.

erasing - pretty self-explanatory if you know the character, it's because yoite wants to "erase" himself. before the rename it was 'antiderivatives.'

suicidespeed - came out of a bong-ra song title named 'suicide speed machine girl.' it would have been suicidespeedmachine if that wasn't over the character limit. if i had known i was going to play badou for so long i would have chosen a better username, but now i'm too attached to change it. his alt accounts are are suicidespeeed, which is obvious, but then i have orewabishonen and slenderfaggot. orewabishonen is from the quote badou makes early on in the first dogs manga. slenderfaggot matches one of KC's haine's alt account usernames, 'slenderdog.' the whole slender____ is based on slenderman.

sixtyeighth - also pretty self-explanatory if you know the character. giovanni is experiment number 68. my first giovanni account was lustprinzips, which is german for 'pleasure principle.' after that came pastafucking, and then after that came heftigkeit, and finally then sixtyeighth.

livestoned - a play on the name of the manga he's from, 'livingstone.' i wanted it to be livingstoned but that username was already taken.

jocastellsehn - a combination of the names 'jocasta' and 'einstellsehn.' jocasta is the mother of oedipus, so it's a reference to oedipus complex etc. another username i want for einstellsehn is 'nymphomatriarch', the title of a venetian snares song which i think is pretty fitting.

JESUS THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A WALL OF TEXT what has being going on in my life you ask, nothing i answer absolutely nothing except i had some delicious indian food tonight and boy am i behind on nanowrimo shit sucks.

speaking of nanowrimo does anyone want to word war with me because i think im wearing rinnakins out. also if you guys have any tips and shit id love to hear them because i havent yet found a successful strategy for doing nano.

time for your daily

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:59:09 GMT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHYISEVERYONEBETTERTHANMEATEVERYTHINGANDWHYAMISOANGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this is my face right now:

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:09:10 GMT

so i got wind of the fact that some girl at school said that i'm acting like a total asshole this year. yeah. you know why? because im sad. when people act like dicks, theyre sad. dont be dicks back to them, be nice to them.

in other news still alienating everyone around me, shit sucks, unavoidable defense mechanism, etc. need to do a lot more drinking. absolutely failing at nano. seems like pretty much everyone is sad these days, which is too bad. oh yeah and everyone in my senior class is pairing off. seriously so many fucking couples, and it seems like couples are all around me on the internet too. why are people determined to pair themselves off as quickly and as permanently as possible? pisses me off. life aint about finding boyfriends or girlfriends - or maybe it is if thats your life goal. who knows.

*flips everything*

also in before 500 comments of "OMFG YOUR ICON"

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:59:11 GMT

man i don't know what the fuck's wrong with me lately, i've been having such uncomfortable dreams. the first one was mostly about this guy who was half my environmental science teacher, matt, and half angeldomain. how those two got mixed together i have no fucking clue. anyway, it was kinda dark even though it took place during the day, and super foggy and chilly. i went to matt/ilya's house, which ended up being just a couple houses from mine, and he lived with his mother who was this little white-haired lady who scared the shit out of me. i had to wait in his kitchen where i took off my coat and warmed up; she said i could come in so we went down to his big basement and watched tv/played video games etc. his mom invited us both to go to a restaurant like ihop or denny's, only it had some weird name, so we went and talked a lot and had a great time etc. when we came home though, a bunch of people came and tried to kidnap us? and then i turned into badou for some reason, and this guy was carrying me bridal style and i tried to get away

and then i woke up.

my second dream was one where i was in some city, maybe new york, and i went to a house party in this cramped rowhouse with five million stories but very small rooms. i was badou in this dream, too, which is so fucking weird - seems like nowadays half of my dreams are sex dreams in which i am a dogs character, which is real fucked up. uh anyway i found this pretty attractive chick who wanted to bang me, so i was like 'hey alright man let's do this,' and we went into a bedroom and started fucking - but the problem was she had all these piercings, one on her clitoral hood and on her nipples and a bunch of other places, and all the piercings were tearing the skin and bleeding. there was blood everywhere, and i was kind of worried i was hurting her, but i kept going cause i figured it'd be alright. anyway, we finished and i got dressed and went into some room where...people were playing a game of some sort but that's unimportant because then i woke up.

yeah, pretty fucking weird dreams. i've not been enjoying my dreams lately. they haven't been straight up nightmares, but they've always left me with a weird feeling.

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 04:37:26 GMT

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:56:13 GMT

i went to gamestop and got a bunch of used games - trauma center 1 + 2 and hotel dusk. i love all of them, but i'm especially involved in hotel dusk, only i keep choosing the wrong dialogue options and getting game over. ah, ia lso got my japanese language coach for the ds, which is super exciting. i'm learning three languages at once though? wonder if that's good or bad. angie thompson from trauma center is such a bitch though *slaps her* mmm yeah and im playing silent hill 2 as well, its wonderful. im just inhaling video games so fucking hard.

hnghfnhgnf so my plans got canceled for halloween i guess i'm gonna spend my evening with kc D': UM AT LEAST THERES AN EXCITING EVENT GOING ON and i wont miss it. i really wish there was a party i could go to or something though urhg.

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:03:18 GMT

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: take off your bra.
Stranger: hey
Stranger: cool

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: oh abel
You: im going to fuck you.
Stranger: ello govna!
Stranger: who's abel?
You: you.
Stranger: I've been freshly fucked, thanks though
You: no get back here you cockwipe
Stranger: you can't catch me!
You: *FUcks IN HALF
Stranger: ...nah
You: GODFKMLSA
Stranger: you're a weirdo
You: oh :(
Stranger: yeah, sucks to learn these things
You: :(
You: :(
You: no jk im not sad at all
Stranger: I figured!
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl?
You: 17/f/LA
Stranger: oh
Stranger: nice to meet you..
You: ...........................................yeah
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: asl motherfucker asl
Stranger: 14/f/california, u?
You: 29/m/south dakota
Stranger: oh, too old 4 me
You: GOD ILL FUCK YOU IN HALF
You: FUCK
You: *SHOTGUN
Stranger: wtf is wrong wit u?
You: IM GOING TO CYBER WITH YOU IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO NOW GET BACK HERE AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES
Stranger: u r seriously fucked in the head
You: im going to fuck you in the head
Stranger: wow, I hope you get hit by a car, it would make this world a better place
You: what is love
You: baby dont hurt me. dont hurt me. no more.
Stranger: seriously, get help or get hit by a car, either one is fine
You: IM SO LONELY ILL LEVEL YOUR WORLD OF WARCRAFT CHARACTERS PLEASE...PLEASE!!
You: ILL BUY YOU ICE CREAM AND CANDY
You: ILL LET YOU PET MY ADORABLE PUPPY
Stranger: ya know, I think getting hit by the car would be better, ciao ahole
You: C:
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

OKAY I GIVE UP

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:11:41 GMT

1. Create a graphic (200 x 200 max size) to represent your personal "candy". It should have your username on it, but otherwise can feature whatever you want. Make it something special since it's self-representative.
2. Make a post with the subject "trick or treat?". Put your "candy" somewhere in it, and be sure to repost these instructions.
3. Then, go around other people's LJs and reply to them with either "trick" or "treat". If you reply with "trick", they will give you an LJ dare that you have to perform before taking their candy. If you're too wimpy for that, simply say "treat" and take their candy.
4. List all your collected candies in your original "trick or treat?" post to show off your collection, being sure not to direct-link!

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:45:19 GMT

STEP ONE:
Spell your name out in songs.
M - Motorway to Roswell - Pixies
O - Oh, Hello - Circa Survive
O - One Armed Boxer vs. the Flying Guillotine
T - Think Locally, Fuck Globally - Gogol Bordello

STEP TWO:
– Name: moot
– Birth date: april 29
– Nickname: moot
– Eye Color: brown
– Hair Color: brown
– Zodiac Sign: taurus

STEP THREE:
– The shoes you wore today: black and gray vans
– Your weakness(es): i dunno
– Your fear(s): being alone 4evar
– Your perfect pizza: pineapple, bacon and canadian bacon
– Goal you’d like to achieve: make money doing something i love

STEP FOUR:
– Your best physical feature?: eyes? mouth?
– Your bedtime?: dont have one
– Most missed memory?: none

STEP FIVE:
This Or That...
– Pepsi or Coke?: coke
– McDonald’s or Burger King: burger king all the way
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton
– Chocolate or Vanilla: choco
– Cappuccino or coffee: depending on what im int he mood for

STEP SIX:
Do You...
– Curse: yep
– Sing: when im alone
– Dance: no
– Take a shower everyday: no
– Have a crush: sorta
– Do you think you’ve been in love?: i dont really know what love is
– Want to go to college: i guess
– Like(d) high school: no i hate it
– Want to get married: nah
– Get motion sickness: sometimes
– Think you’re attractive: no
– Think you’re a health freak: not at all
– Get along with your parents: get along great with my dad, not so much with my mom

STEP SEVEN:
In the past month...
– Gone to the mall: no
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
– Eaten Sushi: no
– Been on stage: no
– Gone skating: no
– Made homemade cookies: no
– Gone skinny dipping: no
– Stolen anything: i accidentally steal school supplies from school all the time

STEP EIGHT:
Ever...
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: no
– If so, was it mixed company: why would it be same-gender company
- Flashed anyone: no
– Been beaten up: yep
– Shoplifted: yeah

STEP NINE:
– Age you hope to be married: never
– Number of Children: none
– Describe your Dream Wedding: dkf

STEP TEN:
In a boyfriend/girlfriend...
– Best eye color?: no preference
– Best hair color?: no preference
– Short hair or long hair?: no fucking preference
– Height: goddammit i dont give a shit

STEP ELEVEN:
– Number of people I could trust with my life: probably just my dad
– Number of CDs that I own: very few
– Number of tattoos: none
– Number of piercings: none

PERSONAL QUIZ:
o1. Who were you with yesterday?: people at school
o2. What woke you up this morning?: alarm
o3. Is tomorrow going to be a good day?: most likely not
o4. Do you like anybody?: what, as in have a crush on? didn't i already say sorta?

THE PAST:
o1. Ever thrown up in public?: yep i do it a lot
o2. What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?: being hungry, this mello/amano thread, the fact that fridge's im is blinking and im doing this survey instead

THE FUTURE:
o1. What kind of home would you like?: something in the city
o2. What do you want to be when you grow up?: a writer or artist
o3. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?: being a failure

IN GENERAL:
o1. Do you like candy necklaces?: no
o2. When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?: idk
o3. Do you still go trick or treating?: not at all
o4. What's your favorite type of soda?: dr pepper
o5. Have you ever moved?: just within the tristate area
o6. Have you ever won an award?: in elementary school
o7. Are you listening to music right now?: no
o8. How long ’till your birthday? a long time
o9. When were you the saddest in your whole life? the worst was between 7th and 11th grade
o1o. What time is it? 1:27 am
o11. Do you use ebay to buy or sell? buy sometimes
o12. Who makes you mad: a bunch of shit
o13. Ever heard a song written about you: as if
o14. Something you want to happen in 2010? travel
o15. Summer 2010? find a job
o16. Honestly, do you miss 2008? not at all

HONESTY SECTION:
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?: black
2. Honestly, what's on your mind?: should probably go to bed soon
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?: doing this fucking survey what do yout hink
4. Honestly, have you done something bad today?: dpends on what you count as 'bad'
5. Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: probably my mom
6. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?: always
7. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: everything
8. Honestly, do you bite your nails?: sometimes
9. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?: no
10. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: yeah
11. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now?: eh
12. Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like?: classmates yeah
13. Honestly, what was the last text message you received?: probably jesse texting me about meeting up from this weekend
14. Honestly, are you in denial?: yes
15. Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night?: yeah
16. Honestly, do you like anyone?: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING THIS QUESTION SO MANY TIMES
17. Honestly, does anyone like you?: yeah unless theyve gotten over it already

RAGE SECTION:
1. What do you do when you’re mad?: be mean to people
2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?: some pretty bad shit
3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: yeah a lot of people

CRYING SECTION:
1. When was the last time you actually cried?: first day of school this year
2. Ever cried yourself to sleep?: a lot of times
3. Do certain songs make you cry?: yeah
4. What usually makes you cry?: being angry and jealous

HAPPY SECTION:
1. Are you usually a happy person?: no
2. What makes you the happiest?: being lazy and doing what i want
3. What song makes you always happy?: buono tomato, hanamaru sensation, motteke sailor fuku
4. Do you believe in yourself?: sorta
5. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?: i guess im glad they think so but i never know what to say

god theres nothing to write about. im just pissed off all the time and i dont have anything funny or exciting to share. im gonna go draw, shoul dprobably do a sketch dumps oon. i really like my default right now

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 23:55:17 GMT

they banned driving to lunch

okay great. that's just fucking great. let one group of asshole kids ruin a good thing for everybody. soon they wont even have off-campus lunch. i cant say 'i hate high school' enough.

i know i graduate this year but it still seems like so fucking long to wait. i'm finished. i'm done. there is absolutely nothing i can gain out of this year besides more personality defects. i can feel myself getting angrier and meaner by the second and i hate it.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 23:33:29 GMT

god i had the weirdest dream while i was napping this afternoon/evening. i dreamed that i was giovanni (strange, how i have a relatively large amount of dreams where i am giovanni) and i was in this mining town/mountain lodge in the far north, so far north that it was dark 24 hours of the day. i got really angry at a woman, though i dont think she was einstellsehn or fruhling, and then i walked away with a purpose, and went into this underground mining shaft and someone killed me. i was happy about being killed because i was afraid of living forever. in this world though when you died you'd just become a ghost that could coexist with and reside among humans. there was also separate food for ghosts and humans, and the ghost food was like a bunch of jars of white/cream-colored/brown stuff. it would taste bad to humans but it tasted good to ghosts. anyway i ate some food and then i macked on some girl while still in ghost form. why are all my semi-sex dreams ones in which i am also giovanni? anyway that was my dream, pretty exciting shit.

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:02:41 GMT

god today was just so fucking miserable everything went wrong and i feel disgusting and i have a cold and i just want to die. everything started out with me waking up at 9:30 in the morning because apparently my loud-ass alarm doesn't wake me up but someone calling the house does. why i cant just get my ass up on time like the rest of the world is beyond me maybe i just have some critical failure as a human being. anyway i woke up so late that itd take me like 2 hours to get to school by metro and i had a presentation at 10:15 so i had to call a cab. we were stuck in traffic for fucking ages because a fucking motorbike collided with a truck and there was a body all disgusting and mangled spread out over duke street. the cab pulled up just as the principal came by giving a tour to a bunch of prospective parents and students, so she gave me the stinkeye as i paid the cabbie - which cost THIRTY BUCKS LOL welcome to never having any money for the rest of my life - and walked indoors. turns out i was too late to give my presentation fucking anyway so it wouldnt even have mattered if i took the metro. basically i paid thirty dollars to see a horrific car crash and still be fucking late for school. about ten kids came up to me going "WERENT YOU SUPPOSED TO DO YOUR PRESENTATION HEY DONT YOU HAVE A PRESENTATION TODAY" lmfao well YES I DID BUT NOT ANYMORE SINCE APPARENTLY IM INCAPABLE OF PERFORMING BASIC ACTIONS SUCH AS GETTING TO SCHOOL

it was a makeup work day today so basically what we do is go around to each teacher, complete the work we have missing, and then get a little card stamped, and once we have stamps from all of the teachers we can go home. i finished everything before lunch so i was planning on heading home but NO I HAD TO STAY BEHIND FOR SENIOR PHOTOS so i stay and eventually drag my ass to go to lunch alone. that was the only good part of the day, standing under the awning of mcdonalds and having a smoke, except i got another stinkeye from the father of some little kid that passed by. lmf not my fault it doesnt even matter if she sees me smoking shes going to grow up to be a prostitute anyway

went to mcdonalds because it was the closest place and it was raining hard and i was cold and wet and broke. i ordered one of those third pound angus burgers with bacon and cheese because i felt hungry but halfway through it i started feeling really sick and had to fucking throw it away, lol that was a waste of 7 bucks. i get back to school and apparently one of my teachers assigned me something extra for being late..!! YEAH BEING A SHITTY DELINQUENT SURE PAYS OFF anyway i got taht shit done and found out OH HAHA NO THERE'S NO SENIOR PHOTOS TODAY BECAUSE IT'S RAINING (ah yeah it was fucking pouring all day btw) but theyre taking pictures for student ids and jesus fucking i looked so hideous like a fat greasy faggot ahah i guess it suits me

i spend the rest of the day sitting alone in one of the classrooms listening to some people hanging out in the kitchen and having fun and i boiled over with rage because HOW DARE OTHER PEOPLE HAVE FUN WHILE IM SULKING RIGHT but i listened to a girl talk about how she was going to like three parties over halloween weekend with her sister whos in colleg eand she asked me what i was doing for halloween and i said Nothing god i should have made up a story so id not seem like as much of a fucking pathetic excuse for a high schooler as i am but its kinda tough to pretend

on the car ride hme my mother bitched at me for not wanting to go to therapy anymore and about hwo theyd have to withdraw me from my medication if i didnt go and fUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO TIRED OF THERAPY IVE BEEN GOING FOR SO MANY YEARS I DONT WANT IT ANYMORE I DONT WANT IT oh and you know what the best part of the day was. i went downstairs to the basement to get some pajama pants to wear and I KNOCKED OVER AND BROKE MY DADS FUCKING TELEVISION FSDKLDMDKSLFD serves me right, huh? he said it was ok because it kept fucking up and he needed to replace it anyway but god i feel so shitty about it i just feel shitty about this whole day and year and generally i feel shitt yabout my life :DDDDDDDD ,LD :DD:::DDdddddd

lmao now you knwo a litte bit more about hwo pathetic my life is

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 21:12:46 GMT

grabbed this from jupiterk because goddamn it i am in the mood to write some fucking porn

One Character (you can pick people i don't rp but i know the fandoms of, too) + Character of Your Choice,
Set the word generator to uncommon and pick any type,
Pick a kink or an erotic prompt,
I'll mix it all and make you a smutty paragraph.

ILL TRY TO DO ALL OF THEM request posts usually end badly for me but i will put forth my greatest effort

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 04:45:15 GMT

i just found this in some file on my computer - it's about sometime last spring when i got high at lunch and starting tripping and freaking out, and so i wrote this during the school day to help keep myself aware of what was going on, and try to make some sense out of what i was feeling. i'd completely forgotten it until now, so reading back over it is really interesting.

written in castle’s class that afternoon: It feels like my thoughts are going too slow for what I’m experiencing. I’m in Alex Castle’s class – Jordan is talking about wolves and crossbreeding – and I feel like I’m not entirely in control of my actions, and that I’m sort of hovering above my body and waiting for myself to make the correct actions. I feel very removed. I want it to stop. I wonder how insane I’m acting. Probably just as insane as everyone else. <- don’t remember typing that and I’m still high.

Well, I went to Leeann’s house for lunch with Colin and Leeann, and we decided to smoke pot except she just bought like an ounce, so we hotboxed her room. I smoked two hits off a pipe and then an entire fat joint, which was probably a bad idea. I didn’t get high right away, but we went up into the kitchen and then out on the porch, and that’s when it hit me. I remember leeann asking me if I was high and I was like, ‘whoa, holy shit, I am high.’ Then we went inside, I went to get my French toast, and I remember leaning on the sink laughing SO HARD – I was laughing like one of those evil anime queens/dictators, all HA HA HA HA HA but in a high feminine voice. Then Leeann and Colin told me to chill out and calm down, and that we needed to get back to class. I keep talking about how there’s no way I’m going to Castle’s class. We make our way back down the stairs, and I’m starting to feel the effects more seriously. I keep blacking out and then coming back to consciousness and then blacking out again, so I’m telling them, “I think I’m hallucinating or something,” and my voice is really far away. They’re spraying air freshener and I’m trying to hug Colin, trying to get a purchase on reality. I say “I’m tripping balls” or something along those lines, so I’m still making jokes and being my normal self, I just don’t feel like my normal self. Colin’s like ‘I know it’s scary but you’ll be okay in a bit’ and I believe him.

We start to head out towards the front door, and I press my face against the glass of the front window, trying to focus on the grass in the front yard and bring myself back to reality. It works for a little bit and then it gets worse. We leave the house and start walking back to school; they talk about how far gone I am, and I can feel myself cracking jokes and stuff, but inside I’m terrified and wondering when I’m going to get back to normal. I don’t know where I’m walking, I’m just following Leeann. Eventually we get to Rose Hill and they say they want food, so we go to Seven-Eleven. I pick out an iced coffee even though I want a Slurpee and a Hotdog, but all I’m really focused on is getting everything done. I try to pull out money and pay but I’m too far gone to count it all out, so Colin pays and says it’s okay, so Leeann kisses him for being nice. We leave, then, and there’s a big gust of wind and I remember going “WAAARGH IT’S COLD”, and hearing my voice outside of my head but not inside.

Eventually we get back to the school grounds. Colin is concerned about getting to ecology so he gives me his Slurpee and then leaves. Leeann and I walk into the kitchen of the house, and I throw away my iced coffee and the Slurpee. She’s holding my hands and asking me about if I’m going to class, and she says that Katherine will probably know I’m high so I should just go to Castle’s class. I had been saying that I should draw or write or something, so she tells me I can go to Castle’s class and draw all I want. When I arrive in class, though, Castle’s really angry and I give him the excuse of “I was walking…I got lost,” and everyone pretty much knows I’m high. Castle asks me about the paper and I had to admit that I haven’t actually written anything, so he says I’m really doing bad today. I guess I am. He tells me that I need to go finish my paper so I ask him if I can go to the house to finish it. He says yes, so I book it. I remember being surprised at myself for making it all the way from the church to the house unattended.

Katherine isn’t in her office so I just lay down and sleep. I hear Connor O outside and think about what might happen if I told him I was high and tripping balls. If he came inside I probably would have told him, but he stayed outside. There was a math class I could hear, but I couldn’t make sense out of anything they were talking about. Halfway through, Emily Pavot comes in with an alumni named Tim and asks “Who’s that on the couch?” so I poke my head up and say “It’s me, I don’t feel great so I’m taking a nap, I’m sorry,” and she says “Aw, no, don’t be sorry!” They talk for a little bit – I try to track the conversation but I can’t, really – and then leave. A while after that, Emily Rose comes in and says ‘I’m going to leave now, so if you’re sick, I can take you home.’ I resist for the first couple minutes because I don’t want to be stuck alone in the car with Emily Rose where she might ask questions, but then I realize it’ll be four hours before my mom comes home and then I’ll have to deal with her while I’m high, agitated and paranoid. So I tell Emily Rose that I’ll go home, and she says I have to call my mom but I don’t want to talk to mom, so I just call our house phone and leave a message.

It’s a relief to be in Emily’s car. When I talked to her for a few brief sentences, Katherine didn’t seem to notice that I was high, or if she did, she didn’t say anything. I just told her that I was really sick, and she seemed to believe me. Emily doesn’t seem to notice either. She has GPS on her car so I just punch in my address, which is good because I don’t think I would be able to give directions. On the way, we talk about collagen injections, which lead to silicone implants, which lead to kids, which lead to adoption. I remember saying something controversial about adoption and then going ‘Well, I shouldn’t be talking about babies and stuff, I’m only sixteen.” She tells me that she won’t judge based on age and that it was okay for me to have said what I did. We make conversation until we get to my house, and then I say thanks to her and grab my key. I get inside and immediately head up to my room. It’s so relieving to be at home. I feel like I don’t have to worry about how I’m acting, so I just let loose and stumble wherever I feel like. I grab a bowl of cereal to eat and then go upstairs to grab my computer.

Right now, It’s about an hour after I got home. I’m definitely still high, but it’s not scary anymore, and I don’t feel as disjointed, just weird. I ate a bowl of cereal and a cupcake, and I might take a nap soon.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 23:30:05 GMT

god i just want to fuck somebody. girl, guy, whatever - any hole is a goal. jerkin' it is so goddamn boring. unfortunately the only people that'd fuck me are disgusting and i have no desire to engage even in casual social interaction with them. the people in real life that i'd fuck are all either taken or they'd reject me in a heartbeat. how do you proposition someone for no-strings sex, anyway? 'hey how's it going let's fuck'? being a teenager is balls.

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:18:20 GMT

OH MYFKDF UCKIGN OH MY FUCKIG GOD ON MY FOG DOF OH MY GO DJVGFI HOLY SHIT HOSL SHIT HOLY XHIST

GIOVANNIS EYEX GIOVANIIS EYES GIOVNANIS EYES THEY FINALLUL AWHOWED GIOVANNIS SEYS OH MY FUKDING GOD WOH M GSHIT DFUCK SHIT FUHDUFSKLDJSGLITLKHJKGFKLADSJSAA AUFUAFUAFHAFGKLG JFIEGHFKL

OHGOTUNR:FMAKL!J!I!J!JJ!!!!!@ JGSDKF` !!!! !J!!! J!K!JK!!KGklh;gFIJ FEOJGIJRGJIRFJWEFMnlkmkLFMKDm

JDEIOWforGPRHUOTJIEOQ$*@*$#($*(*UQ W(R*#J$( U*$*#$ U#(U*(j3IWR3 #(R3 U*3E@*U@ #J@$*@(RJ# RJIkMJMEFKLDWFN :KG:RWO OW:FOEWMFKLDKLSADKLDLASJLDJSAKDLJKADJSAKLJDASDKJD RJWIOJOIRWJIWEJOJEWOIRJWERJIOREVMmcvNCXNVCMNKFNWENFKWRekeLWFJWEdmKFEWOGVMWKFEW?!???QK!EKMQWMOFI IOWRJJFD JGIoDSVJDISNVDISVODNIONDAIOGIIOGIASGIAGGDSKMKFLSD

GIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 15:10:20 GMT

GOD ITS BEEN SO FUCKING RAINY ALL WEEK I SWEAR ITS RAINED NONSTOP FOR LIKE 5 DAYS JESUS ITS GETTING STRAIGHT UP BIBLICAL. um hnhn i swear i had some interesting stuff to say in this entry but its just all gone. ive been playing a lot of WoW recently...i gave up on playing hunter though its just not going to work out for me.

Oh also I just found out that Nails is a real German-based last name. I guess Nagel would be the actual German form? But idk Ive just been on a hack translation streak recently so here are some cool tweets

from twitter:

- einsturzen means collapse. du means you. "you collapse?" i know she's named after the band but it could have a dual meaning..
- einstürzen du neu bauten means you collapse newly built? without the 'du' it's 'new building collapse'..hmmm
- rammst = to ram and ein = one.. "to ram one?" but er = he/him so rammsteiner would be "to ram + one + him" ???
- and frühling means spring. :D
- angelica obv means angelic, so angelica + einstürzen would translate to "angel collapse"
- and 'campanella' means 'bell' in italian, doesn't it? SPRING BELL HURRR
- or maybe i'm just reading too much into it. :| that's probably more likely.
- heine is a german name, but haine means hatred in french
- "attirehaine" would make a great haine username...or "haineattire"
- haineattire could be cerberus!haine and attirehaine could be normal!haine

im pretty bad in german though so i prob made a bunch of weird mistakes. ALSO i havent been to russian class in like two weeks i think i just forgot everything i learned.

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:04:44 GMT

i leave for two days and the internet fucking explodes

jesus

worst homecoming ever

hey fridge

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:19:01 GMT

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 05:16:20 GMT

*DROPS EVERYTHING ANGRILY* no i'm not actually going to drop but ia m just so depressed about rp right now HNNNNNNNNNNNN

tomorrow im leaving for the fall camping trip so ill be gone tuesday wednesday and part of thursday GONNA die and be really cold

so miserable about everything all the time

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 07:41:33 GMT

why do i have such Issues with playing certain characters, it's completely not fun

i need to get over myself

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 09:57:07 GMT

today's a day of new things: i got a new journal layout, a new profile layout (check them out moot), a new default icon, and a new desktop background.

oh, and there are 300+ watchers at pocketflask, so i made a request post. there are plenty of spaces left (plus if you're on my flist i'll do icons for you anyway), so come over.

it's 6 a.m. and i have to get up by 9:30. how many hours of sleep will i get? three and a half. when i get home from my internship i'll sleep forever.

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 20:56:59 GMT

GODIHATESCHOOLSOMUCHIHATESCHOOLSOMUCHIHATESCHOOLSOFUCKINGMUCH. nothing is working out this year. everything in my real life is ranging from sub-par to completely fucking miserable. all of my classes save for history are redundant and boring - none of my teachers have their shit together, i'm not learning anything (again, save for history), and the kids are all fucking insufferable. lemme break it down class-by-class.

environmental science: two teachers read some online articles about how the End of the World is drawing near because humans are selfish wasteful creatures who are quickly and methodically ripping apart the earth.
modern history: this is the only class i can stand.
lunch: i go to lunch alone just about every day unless someone i only marginally like decides to tag along. the period is mostly spent trying desperately to light a cigarette in the wind and then getting something unhealthy from one of the stores.
discrete math: possibly the worst class because of the irony. a self-professed 'progressive teacher' teaches his class like an awful public school class. he lectures us about how we can't have laptops/drawings/books/notebooks open because "his add prevents him from focusing on teaching the class unless our eyes are up at the front of the room," and if we forget to do our homework he heaps on guilt by saying "i have to take out time from running my business to teach this class, and i spend four hours a night thinking of lesson plans, and you just ignore everything i'm trying to teach you!!" He yells about cellphones but nearly once every class period he gets a call and says "oh i have to take this" and goes out into the hallway for ten minutes. LMFafofjdsfsd yeah hypocrisy is great. guess setting a good example never occurred to him huh.
storytelling: such a completely fucking pointless class. sometimes we may get five minutes of work done, but most of the time is eaten up by long off-topic conversations in which the teacher waxes poetic about social justice - "social justice" being 'DONT YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD BITCH MEANS?! I WONT TOLERATE THAT WORD IN MY CLASSROOM! EVERYONE IS EQUAL!'
elective (creative writing): another entirely pointless class. we're supposed to do 'freewriting' but 3/4ths of the class fucks around on their computers while the teacher plays with her baby - she'll get angry at us for talking loudly and then coo in happiness as her baby screams so loud you can hear it outside. she doesn't even give a shit about reading what we write - all you have to do is flash a word document at her from across the room and she'll go 'alright i can tell that you're working' and go back to letting the kid draw on the walls.

the worst part isn't even the fucking classes, it's the kids - the number of people at school i can stand is starting to dwindle from about five to about fucking zero. during projects i always end up being grouped with the 'bad kids' because teacher logic dictates that if you're even marginally intelligent in an academic sense, you'll be able to pass on your knowledge through osmosis, and not under any circumstance will you be made fun of or fucked around with - because everyone is Nice and Accepting at this school, right?

yesterday we were given a project to create water filters made out of various household materials - hilariously enough, i was grouped with aaron and erik, two of the school's most relentless douchebags. they sat around and talked about how they 'play' girls by telling them she's the only one for them and then going behind her back and doing the same thing with another chick; meanwhile i tried to construct a water filter and completely cocked it up. at the end of the project we all had to go up in front of the class and run dirty water through our filters and collect the treated water in test tubes to see how it worked - unsurprisingly, mine was complete shit, and they only had five test tubes when there were six groups, and so one of the teachers held the tubes up and went "Okay, which one is the worst? We're going to dump that one out." and then everyone pointed to mine and went "that one's the worst, that water is totally gross," and the teacher said "yeah, i wouldn't drink that" and poured it out. HA HA BUT IT WAS ALL IN GOOD FUN RIGHT WE'RE JUST A GREAT HAPPY SCHOOL WHERE EVERYONE IS ACCEPTED AND NOBODY WILL GET BULLIED but it's fine for me to get called a dyke or a loser or a cold bitch it's absolutely hilarious

actually i lied about the worst part being the kids - the worst part is not being able to fucking tell anyone. there are some kids who will go 'oh i have a headache' and all of a sudden three hundred people will be crowded around them going 'ohhh nooo i'm so sorry are you okaaay? do you need me to get a glass of water? you don't have to come to your next class you're excused' HA HA hA because they're Good Kids they're good and they do all their work on time and they always get the answer right AND SINCE THEYre such good kids it's fine if they go "why don't you get this? it's so easy, what's wrong with you?" LMFAO IM SORRY IM A FAILURE im SOrry IM NeDVER going TO HAVE ANY CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY im sorry that i'm an ugly jealous bitch with no friends i dont have friends i dont have any fucking real life friends that i can call or hang out with or talk to or eat lunch with

nobody wants mefjkdsaf i just. want friends who wont be assholes to me but i guess you get what you give i should probably work on my defense mechanism not being 'hurt them before they can hurt you' but it's so ingrained that i can't. i just. this is my senior year in high school im supposed to be having tons of fun and going out and partying and i want it so bad but im fucking socially inadequate and even if i tried to hang out - when i tried to hang out - theyd flake or ditch me or straight up say no we dont want you here and WHAT DID I DO WRONG WHATS WRONG WITH ME i know im gross but whats so awful about me fmdksdkfghnfmd i wish i could just fix whateve rit is so i coul fucking get on with having friends