So I can feel the tug of a new fandom coming on, and I'm pissed off about it. It'd be stupid to deny; about every...what, six months? four months? I transition from fandom to fandom. When I was a little kid I'd do the same thing - cycle through obsessions, getting impossibly involved in whatever I was interested in, and then completely abandoning it as soon as I found something new. Obviously it's more subtle than that these days, but I still hate it. You know that girl in school, the one that dates a guy and proclaims her deep undying love for him and then loses interest and breaks up with him a few months later only to start it all over again with another guy? I feel like I'm that girl. Getting into a new fandom should be really fun, where you just lose yourself in all the opportunities it has to offer, but for me it's actually the worst part of being into something. I feel like I'm betraying my 'past loves', as it were. I'm impossibly jealous of people that stick with one fandom for years, but I've never been able to do that.

It probably has something to do with creativity: I'm always way more productive as far as fanworks go at the start of a fandom, and then my inspiration slowly dwindles away. I also tend to go through cycles that repeat themselves - when I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I was really into anime, but that gave way to the X-Files which gave way to MCR which gave way to other bandom which gave way to anime again. For a while, I'd think 'this is it, this is what I'm going to love for the rest of my life', but after a few cycles I realized that was basically the farthest from the truth. I guess it's just that I'm a teenager and I'm exploring what the world has to offer, blah blah blah, but I always fucking loathe feeling myself slip into a new fandom. I feel like going around to everyone and apologizing, 'cause it must be extremely fucking annoying for other people to witness.

This is kind of a stupid thing to worry about, right? It's gonna happen regardless of how apologetic and guilty I feel. But - I don't know, it's one of the things I hate most about myself, and I wish I could change it but it don't look like that's gonna happen anytime soon.

I dunno, whatever. Cry more asshole, etc etc. I don't even know why I wrote an LJ entry about this. Catharsis or something.

Lol I spent my birthday doing a practice ACT and I threw up after dinner. Also it's raining. Lmfao I was in an incredibly good mood yesterday but I woke up today and it was just BAM, BAD MOOD. ( ◢д◣)

i. am. in. such. a. bad. mood. what's new, right? i'm either sleepy or in a bad mood, most of the time both at once. i really do think my medicine needs to be fucked around with again, which sucks. i hate having to depend on what are essentially sedatives to keep me functioning normally. then again, i'd rather be on medication and actually do things with my life other than complain about how shitty i feel. ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i'll figure it out someday, sommmmmmmmeeeedaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy

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oh fuck, you guys. 30 minutes until nanowrimo starts.

I'M GOING TO DIE

edit: THREE MINUTES

edit:

IT STARTED

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK

I am tired of high school politics. You'd think that a tiny progressive school like mine wouldn't have regular high school drama, but it does, and I'm fucking sick of it. The guys are fueled by lust and the girls are fueled by the need for attention. It seems like it would go well - a guy and a girl date, he gets action from her, she gets attention from him - but it doesn't really work like that.

Gwen Stefani was right when she said "everybody wants everybody else." It's extremely hard to find people who have a mutual attraction to each other, and that causes problems. It usually works like this:



GREAT, RIGHT!?

Most of the time, guys are only concerned with physical appearance. When rumors go around that a new student might be visiting the school, the first question they ask is "Is she hot?" She could be a frigid bitch and it would still be okay because she's hot, whereas if even if an unattractive or average girl has the most amazing personality in the world, guys wouldn't give two shits. Another thing the guys in my school complain about is how there aren't enough girls in the school. Um, there's a pretty equal ratio, you're just not factoring in the girls you don't consider hot. When you say "there aren't enough girls here," what you mean is "there aren't enough hot girls here."

It seems like girls can only appeal to one of these three groups:

1) guys
2) other girls
3) adults

If a girl appeals to guys, the other girls will be jealous and dislike her, adults will condemn her for being "slutty". If a girl appeals to other girls, chances are she's an average girl with a decent personality, but her popularity with her friends annoys adults. If a girl appeals to adults, she'll probably be too geeky to appeal to her peers. Whichever way you look at it, nobody really wins.

tl;dr waaaaaaaah nobody likes meeeeeee